Think you’re not a negotiator? Think again. Negotiation isn’t reserved for boardrooms or political summits—it’s something we all do every day in countless small ways. Whether it’s managing a tricky conversation at work, getting your teenager to clean their room, or agreeing on holiday plans with friends, knowing the basics can transform stress into success.
Here’s an easy acronym, DEALS, to help you become a better negotiator in everyday life.
D – Define Clearly (Know Exactly What You Want)
Effective negotiation starts with clarity. Before starting the conversation, get clear about your goals. Create two lists: your must-haves (non-negotiables) and nice-to-haves (negotiable extras). Knowing your priorities stops you from accepting deals you’ll regret later and helps you remain flexible where it counts.
Example:
Imagine negotiating flexible working hours. Your must-have might be working from home two days a week, while leaving the office at lunchtime on Fridays could be a nice-to-have. Clearly defined goals strengthen your position.
E – Explore Interests (Understand What’s Important to the Other Side)
Negotiation is not about winning or losing—it’s about understanding what matters to the other party. Shift from positions (“I need this done now”) to uncovering underlying interests (“We need to meet our deadline without compromising quality”). Ask open-ended questions to uncover what the other person truly values.
Example:
If you’re planning a home renovation, instead of focusing on price alone, explore the builder’s scheduling needs. Maybe they have quieter months when they can offer a better rate. Understanding their interests can lead to a better deal for everyone.
A – Aim for Win-Win (Look for Mutual Gain)
Good negotiators don’t just carve up the pie—they bake a bigger one. Seek solutions that benefit both sides. A win-win approach creates better outcomes and maintains relationships. Rather than viewing the other person as an opponent, treat them as a partner with whom you’re creating value.
Example:
If your teenager wants a later curfew, don’t just say yes or no. Discuss mutual gains—perhaps they earn more responsibility at home in exchange for more freedom. Both sides come out ahead, improving trust and cooperation.
L – Listen and Learn (Effective Negotiation is About Communication)
Negotiation is as much about listening as it is about speaking. Active listening—where you echo, summarise, and validate the other person’s points—builds trust. When people feel genuinely heard, they’re more open to compromise.
Example:
Discussing family finances with your partner can be tense. Rather than pushing your point, first reflect their perspective back to them (“It sounds like you’re worried we’re overspending this month”). Understanding first makes it easier to reach shared decisions.
S – Secure Commitment (Get Clear Agreements)
Negotiations should end with clear agreements. It’s easy for misunderstandings to creep in when agreements are vague or assumed. Clearly summarise what’s been decided and outline the next steps, responsibilities, and timelines.
Example:
Let’s say you’re agreeing on project responsibilities at work.
Vague commitment: “Great, so we’ll all work on our parts and touch base later.”
Clear commitment: “Great, so just to confirm—James will handle the first draft by Thursday, Sarah will provide data by Wednesday, and I’ll combine everything for review Friday morning.”
Negotiation is a Life Skill, Not Just a Business Skill
Negotiation might initially seem intimidating, but remember—it’s simply a structured way of communicating clearly and finding shared value. Practising the DEALS method can help you navigate conversations with confidence, whether at work, at home, or even socially.
So, the next time you’re facing a negotiation, remember to Define, Explore, Aim, Listen, and Secure commitments. Not only will you find more success in reaching agreements, but you’ll build stronger relationships along the way. After all, the best negotiators don’t create winners and losers—they create solutions everyone can feel good about.
